I don’t quite remember the feeling when I found out I am pregnant. I remember Luq’s reaction though… mine, not so much. I remember walking into Watsons in Paragon one Thursday afternoon and got a pregnancy kit for the heck of it. To be honest, I didn’t feel or had the slightest instinct that I am pregnant. Maybe, the occassional bouts of gagging that I was experiencing on some afternoons. Anyway, I got two sticks (you gotta be doubly sure) and was planning on peeing on them when I got home.
“I’m gonna pee now… you wanna watch?”
“No, just pee”
I think he was feeling a tad anxious. It was quite sweet. Me, on the other hand, I didn’t quite know how to feel. I mean, this is it right? If it’s positive, everything will change.
“I think I’m pregnant”
“What? Are you sure?”
“Err yes, I’m seeing more than one line”
“Let me see…”
For that brief moment, both of us just stood in silence, probably processing the entire life ahead of us.
“You know I’m very happy right”
“I know, me too”
So that was how it all started. When I found out, I was about 4-5 weeks pregnant. I felt nauseous in the early days of my pregnancy. I thought I would be looking for food all day err day, but the opposite happened. I had troubles keeping food down or the slightest bit of appetite to eat. At one point, I couldn’t even smell rice. How depressing! It was such a struggle to wake up each morning for work (this was already a pre-pregnancy issue, so you could imagine what it’s like). All I wanted to do was nap and be in bed. Each day before work and during lunch time, I would visit the mosque near my office to nap for 30-45 minutes else, I wouldn’t make it through the day.
The mood swing is real too. I could be extremely excited one minute and irritated by the next. Thankfully, I have the hormones to blame for it. It’s like period multiplied by 5 (or more, but who’s counting)!
If I need to jot down my pregnancy journal for Week 5-12, it would have been pretty easy. Extreme fatigue, loss of appetite, craves for naps, likes prata and sushi, hates sweet smelling aroma (had to ask Luq to stop spraying perfume for a while), moody when hunger pang strikes (I don’t kid about this), anti-social.
Everyone kept telling me that it would get better in time. I had to believe them somehow…
We had the first ultrasound scan about two weeks back (the baby was about 11-12 weeks old). I am not showing just yet. To which, my mum-in-law kept asking me to eat more so the baby will grow bigger – Luq weighed 3.9kg at birth. That’s quite a size of a watermelon. I went into the scanning room alone. I had wished they allowed Luq inside because I’ve always pictured this moment together. But that didn’t happen – it was me and the doctor in the small, cold room. When I first saw the baby, it was in a standing position and when I looked a little closer, I could see the baby doing some punching moves. My heart melted and tears were welling up in my eyes – but, I didn’t wanna weep, gotta keep it cool, right? The baby kept turning and moving until Luq walked into the room. It stopped moving. I thought it was pretty funny. Well, I guess we know who’s the authoritarian in the house eh.
The experience was surreal – like no other. Of course, it would be better without the vomiting, the mood swing and the list goes on. But, something tells me it’s all going to be worth it.
Second trimester, here we go 🙂